Volume 1, Chapter 23: My Youth, My Everything

Walking into the living room, Meng Huaijin, with his senses still hazy, cast a cursory glance at the sofa and spotted Shu Wan’s backpack. He then peeked at her closed bedroom door and made a lap around the kitchen and study—no hangover soup to be found. The man raised an eyebrow, walked straight into his own room, left the lights off, tossed aside his coat, stripped off his shirt, and collapsed onto the bed, falling fast asleep.

The next day, Meng Huaijin woke up with a pounding headache. Before he even opened his eyes, he felt his waist being tightly encircled. There was a puff of warm air against his chest—like breathing, light, steady, and subtle, much like a cat. Because that fat cat would occasionally sneak into his bedroom at night, and it used the same body wash as its owner—smelling of sweets and milk, soft and fragrant—he, not yet fully conscious, assumed it was the cat. So, with a furrowed brow, he began to stroke and knead it as one would a pet…

In an instant, his fingers brushed against something else, and Meng Huaijin froze.

"Mmm..."

A cat-like murmur, yet clearly not the sound of a cat; it hit him like a bullet fired from a hundred yards away. Meng Huaijin’s eyes snapped open. The girl was holding him as if he were a plush toy. Her arms and legs were wrapped around him, most of her body pressed against his, her face turned toward him, her lashes—long as brushes—tightly shut as she drifted between sleep and wakefulness. The quilt was nowhere to be found, and her unsightly sleeping posture, much like a koala, was now burned into Meng Huaijin’s retinas.

His pupils constricted, and his voice was so frigid it felt as if it had come from the depths of hell: "Shu Wan!"

In her sleep, Shu Wan seemed to hear his menacing roar. Even in the height of summer, the air turned so cold she shuddered. She groggily opened her eyes, and there he was. He was shirtless, with broad shoulders and a narrow waist, his eight-pack abs on display—he looked incredible. It was just that look in his eyes; it was terrifying, ten thousand times fiercer than the night before, as if he meant to carve her alive.

"Why are you in my bed, Shu Wan?"

The words were forced through gritted teeth, startling her into full consciousness. It wasn't a dream! Her eyes widened, and she remained frozen in place, utterly motionless. "I, I..." How did she end up here? She couldn't remember for the life of her.

The next moment, she felt a sharp weight as the heavy quilt was slammed over her head, burying her completely. By the time she poked her head out, Meng Huaijin had already put on his shirt and was buttoning it from bottom to top. If he had been merely angry last night, what showed in his eyes now was disappointment. Disappointment that she would stoop to such cheap tactics. Disappointment that she had resorted to such underhanded schemes to crawl into his bed. Disappointment that he had wasted so much time and energy on her.

Stung deeply by that look, Shu Wan hurriedly sat up to explain: "It’s not like that."

The man shot her a gaze like a blade, and she quickly slumped back down, covering herself with the quilt.

"I waited for you until past two last night. When you still hadn't returned, I thought... I thought you had really gone to see Ms. Jiang. I felt so hurt, so terribly hurt, and I couldn't sleep, so I drank two bottles of wine I’d brought back from the parlor. But when I tried to go back to my room to sleep, I found the door wouldn't open. It might have been locked from the inside, or the lock might be broken."

"I don't know what happened. In my haze, I must have wandered into your room. At the time, I just thought you weren't here, so sleeping for the night shouldn't matter. I never expected you to come back, and I certainly didn't think you wouldn't notice me in your bed..."

"In short, that’s what happened. I really didn't crawl into your bed on purpose."

Her eyes were still puffy, and her tear mole stood out like cinnabar. With her panicked, lost expression, she looked like a sprite who had wandered off the path. Meng Huaijin finished buttoning his shirt and, without a word, walked barefoot into the bathroom. The sound of the shower splashing in the bathroom was like ice water dumped over her head, chilling her to the bone.

Was he... treating her like air? He could scold her, but he couldn't ignore her. She curled up on the bed, feeling as if her soul had been drained.

Meng Huaijin took a long time in the shower. When he came out, he found the girl still in the same position, unmoving. His handsome brows knit together tightly. "Shu Wan, do you want me to help you get dressed, or should I kick you out?"

Shu Wan came to her senses and said dazedly, "Do you believe me?"

"With your history, do you think I should?"

"I'm telling the truth. If you don't believe me, go try the door to my room; it really won't open. I really did wait for you until that time last night, thinking you had, thinking you had gone to Ms. Jiang's..."

"Where I go has nothing to do with you." Meng Huaijin asked with absolute solemnity, "Shu Wan, can you listen to me properly?"

Shu Wan’s nose stung, and she nodded in silence.

He looked at her eyes, still red and swollen after the night, and said very earnestly, "We are a relationship that can cross boundaries. Your mother is watching from above; if you continue like this, I cannot answer to her."

*Not a relationship that can cross boundaries. Mother is watching from above...* In an instant, the girl felt as if her mouth had been blocked by boulders and sand; no matter how many words she had, she could no longer speak them.

Meng Huaijin ignored her further. He walked out, tried the door across the hall, confirmed it wouldn't open, and kicked it until it burst inward.

"..."

Shu Wan wrapped herself in the quilt and took small, hurried steps out of his room, retreating to her own. She looked back at him. The man’s hair was damp, his face devoid of any warmth, his dark, handsome brows set in a stern, exacting line.

"Be a good girl, okay?"

This was the only gentle tone he had used since the explosion the night before. Shu Wan’s lashes flickered, and while her heart ached with a suffocating bitterness, she still gave a difficult nod.

Yet, the moment Meng Huaijin turned to leave, she spoke again, her voice calm: "I am very grateful for your guidance and education. After my parents passed away, to have someone who genuinely worries about my mental health and genuinely plans for my future—I really feel I am very lucky."

"Last night you asked me if I wanted you to be my family or a stranger, and I can answer you now."

Under his abyss-like gaze, she said, "I won't make a choice, because the question is meaningless. We are family; that was fated from the moment I was born. And it is impossible for us to become strangers again. After all, we have lived together for a year and shared so many beautiful, happy, and healing memories."

"You said that to me merely to force me to choose between continuing to like you at the cost of losing you, or giving up on liking you. You wanted me to rein in my feelings at the brink of the cliff."

"But last year, you also told me that falling in love is nothing to be ashamed of and that I shouldn't feel that way. Then, by that logic, shouldn't liking someone be the same?"

"My liking for you comes from my heart; it isn't something I can just stop because I want to. I can't stop. Even if my mother were standing in front of us right now, I would dare to say this. Even if lightning were to strike me from the heavens, I would still dare to say it."

"I still like you. I just like you. Even if you use your oppressive authority to forbid me from voicing this affection, it will only be that I don't say it aloud. The truth in my heart will not change."

She didn't blink once, like a death-defying warrior throwing herself into the fray: "I have only fallen for someone I theoretically shouldn't like. It isn't a crime, and I don't consider it a disgrace. You can refuse me, you can reject me, but you cannot stop the feelings that even I cannot control. This is my youth; this is my everything."

*A perfect "everything." A perfect moth to a flame. A perfect, soaring resolve. A perfect, unreserved heart of youth.*

Meng Huaijin stared at her for a long time before realizing she wasn't being rebellious, nor was she being stubborn or willful. This tenacity of hers—the kind that wouldn't turn back until she hit a wall—and her quiet, resilient strength were carved into her bones; they wouldn't change because of anyone’s threats.

He had thought she was just a half-naive girl who, after crying and being scolded by him so ruthlessly, would know fear and retreat. He hadn't expected that she wouldn't retreat at all, but instead would lay out her youthful, unreserved, dignified heart with such clarity and logic: *This is my youth, I have fallen for you, you can reject me, but you cannot stop me from feeling.*

What an imposing declaration, what a decisive person, what a beautiful face, and what a silver-tongued mouth. She was truly Meng Xian’s daughter—the core was just as strong, just as firm.

After a long silence, Meng Huaijin replied in the calm tone of an elder: "Very well, Shu Wan. Since you want to be the master of your own youth, and since you are so opinionated, logical, and brave, then you had best not come crying to me later."

With that, he left for work, leaving behind a vigorous, resolute back.

She had truly grown a leopard's gall to dare stand up to the fierce and cold Meng Huaijin. The result of "talking tough" was that Shu Wan felt instantly drained. As he left, she withered like a deflated balloon. But before long, she found a new anchor.

His rejection was absolute, inevitable—but she would not give up.

Meng Huaijin sat in his car, rubbing his temples in pain.

"Captain, are you still worrying about Shu Wan..."

"If you mention her again, get the hell out of my car."

"..."

The guard froze. Ever since the Captain had transferred to the Northern City for high-ranking military and political duties, he rarely showed the "Yama" temper he’d had in the barracks. It seemed little Shu Wan had truly pushed him to his limit this time.

His temples throbbed, and he felt uncomfortable everywhere. Meng Huaijin leaned back against the seat with a touch of restlessness, his gaze as deep as the sea. What she said wasn't entirely right, but it wasn't entirely wrong either. It was her youth; she could be reckless and indulge in wild fantasies.

But as a man who had spent so many years immersed in the winds, rains, and human complexities of the world, he knew all too well what happened after crossing the line of romantic love. Her liking was pure, but she did not understand that the adult world was murky, tainted by desire. She didn't understand the underlying implications, and he could never allow her to act on them.

He could not let her act recklessly.

The words Meng Xian spoke on her deathbed—"I will watch over you both from heaven"—were a final entrustment, a trust, and simultaneously, a profound warning. There was a gap of age and generation between them... and an insurmountable, worldly fate. The mistakes they had made in the past were, to him, absolutely forbidden from being repeated.