Chapter Eighteen: Two Paths

In the dead of night on the streets of the capital, members of the Green Sprout Literary Society staggered along together, some occasionally reciting baffling verses aloud, drawing curious glances from passersby.
Poets drunk on wine are uninhibited and free, caring little for others’ opinions!

Lu Jingyao had also been drinking that evening. Her head was dizzy, her legs unsteady, yet she felt no trace of that carefree joy in her heart.
Tonight’s gathering ended without her having to pay the bill, but that was even more unbearable than footing it herself.

Originally, she intended to borrow money from several close classmates like He Xue to round up the meal’s cost and pay it off, but He Xue “accidentally” let the secret slip.
Qian Shun from the literary society generously settled the bill, then took Lu Jingyao’s hand, offering many comforting words.

“We’re sisters here. If you ever have difficulties, just speak up. Money is but an external thing; friendship and affection last forever…”

Qian Shun’s words were earnest and heartfelt, but at that moment, Lu Jingyao only felt the pressure of his palm, saw the burning intensity in his eyes, and smelled the pungent stench of his breath.
Disgusted, she immediately made it clear that she considered the money a loan from Qian Shun and would definitely repay it.

But He Xue and the others took the opportunity to tease, jokingly asking Lu Jingyao, “How will you pay it back? Why not just offer yourself?”
Lu Jingyao nearly left on the spot before everyone calmed down, insisting it was all a joke.

Still, she quietly resolved to repay Qian Shun as soon as possible and avoid any further entanglement with him.

Yet, fate had other plans. When everyone returned to the Foreign Languages Institute and prepared to part ways for their dormitories, Qian Shun stopped Lu Jingyao.

“Jingyao, come walk with me for a bit.”

“...”

In the 1980s, a man and a woman strolling together late at night was basically a declaration of romance.
There was even a term—“pressing the horse”—specifically referring to intimate walks between couples.

Lu Jingyao wouldn’t fall for it. She was certain that if she “just walked” with Qian Shun tonight, rumors of them being a couple would spread across the school by tomorrow.
In this era where gossip was terrifying, falsehoods quickly became truths.

“No, thank you, Senior Qian. It’s already very late; it’s not convenient.”

She refused calmly and turned toward the girls’ dormitory.

But Qian Shun hurried after her, saying, “Don’t misunderstand, Jingyao. I just have a lot of inspiration right now and hoped to find someone to discuss it with. You’re the most talented among us; only you can resonate with me spiritually...”

Lu Jingyao quickened her pace, and Qian Shun followed eagerly, trailing her all the way to the entrance of the girls’ dormitory without giving up.

---

A mere thirty yuan?
That was a worker’s entire month’s wage—yet he couldn’t even hold her hand. Was that all there was to it? Did he think she was a fool?

Qian Shun wasn’t stupid, but Lu Jingyao wasn’t either.
Every girl who had been pretty since childhood had faced harassment at some point. She could see through Qian Shun’s crude and urgent lust immediately.

She spoke firmly: “I’m truly sorry, Senior Qian, but I have no interest in spending time alone with you. As for the money I owe you, I will definitely repay it next month.”

“...”

Qian Shun froze, unable to believe that usually meek and pliable Lu Jingyao would be so blunt and shameless.
Judging by her tone, she might as well have shouted, “You pervert, stay away.”

His face shifted from red to black, growing menacing.

“Next month? How do you plan to pay me back? Starve for a month?”
“Do you really think you’re valuable? Do you know it was me who pulled strings to get your work published in the school journal?”
“You’re just a country girl. Do you know how precious the goodwill of a city native is? Do you know how untouchable a city man’s pride is?”

Fueled by alcohol, Qian Shun finally unleashed his inner rage uncontrollably.

Startled, Lu Jingyao stepped back a few paces and hurriedly fled up to the girls’ dormitory, terrified that if she was any slower, the drunken wolf would pounce on her.

Once inside, her fear gradually faded, replaced by mounting anger and sorrow.

“Money, money, money… Why is it always about money? Must my whole life be shackled by money, losing all freedom?”

Tears welled up in Lu Jingyao’s eyes.

Since she could remember, her family had been plagued by financial troubles.
Her father, just a high school graduate and a private school teacher, earned a meager salary barely enough for a family of five.

If not for his stubborn dedication to education, Lu Jingyao, the “burden,” would have dropped out after middle school.
Even the modest expenses for a high school student amounted to several dozen yuan annually—a heavy load for the impoverished Lu family.

Last winter, their house collapsed under heavy snow, and her mother’s lung disease relapsed. It felt as though they’d reached an insurmountable cliff—if not for Li Ye...

At that thought, Lu Jingyao swayed and nearly fell.

---

Back then, Li Ye was much like Qian Shun.
He came from a well-off family, never short of pocket money, and showed affection toward Lu Jingyao.

But Li Ye was not the prince she dreamed of.
He didn’t understand poetry or literature, was an average student, and always gave her a goofy smile—that adolescent awkwardness embarrassed her.

In truth, Li Ye was handsome and tall but otherwise useless.

Yet when his family came to propose with 120 yuan and a half-cart of betrothal gifts, Lu Jingyao begrudgingly accepted reality.

Their house got repaired, her mother’s illness treated, and the pocket money Li Ye brought cleared years of gloom from the Lu family, filling their home with laughter.

During those days, Lu Jingyao felt both happiness and oppression. She didn’t know what her family position would be as someone “deeply indebted.”
Was she like the vine in her poems, destined to cling to a tree and forever remain its dependent?

But a turning point came.

Over more than a year, Lu Jingyao no longer had to skip classes to help her mother at home. She hired an English tutor who boosted her academic performance, and she finally got accepted into university.

Li Ye remained the same goofy, average student.

The night she received her university acceptance letter, her father gave her two paths:
Knowing his daughter well, he didn’t want to restrict her free spirit, so he left the choice to Lu Jingyao.

One path: after graduation, return home and live quietly with Li Ye.
The other: like an eagle soaring the sky, break free and never look back.

Already burdened with inferiority and repression from her mismatched background, Lu Jingyao chose the latter.

Her father silently agreed, canceled the engagement, and bore the consequences alone.

When Lu Jingyao left Qinghe County, she felt she had finally escaped her misery.

But why, upon reaching university, was she trapped in a similar cycle?
And why was Qian Shun so much more repugnant than Li Ye?