Chapter Thirty-Nine: This Is the Brotherhood of the Jianghu

Returning home in a daze, I glanced up and saw Lin Baobao sitting in the living room, staring blankly at the television. The screen was empty, nothing but a sheet of snowflakes, as white as paper. I ignored her and went straight to the bathroom, relieving myself with a stream of urine the color of soy sauce. Standing before the mirror, I was startled: the figure reflected back looked like a ghost, an ashen face devoid of substance. I spat blood-tinged phlegm at him and smashed the mirror with my fist. As I slammed the door on my way out, the shattering glass sounded like a wailing ghost.

Lin Baobao slowly turned her face toward me, half crying, half smiling. “Who’s knocking at the door? Why is it so loud?”

I replied, “No one. Who else would knock on our door now? Other than the police.”

Lin Baobao kept watching the snow on the television. “The police? Oh… Laishun came back just now. He said, Mom, the police might come for me. Don’t be afraid.”

Laishun came back? Wasn’t he away on business? Why would he return now? I sat beside Lin Baobao, switched the channel to a Peking opera performance, and asked, “Sister-in-law, what did you say just now? Laishun came back?”

Lin Baobao pointed at a villainous face on the screen and giggled. “Look, Zhang Yi… That scoundrel is playing a demon in there. Zhang Yi, why did you leave me, walk away alone? Are you even human? Didn’t you promise to marry me? Didn’t you promise to be with me for a lifetime?”

She shuddered as if struck by lightning, grabbing my hand tightly. “Yes, Laishun came back! Just now. I saw him holding a gun, black as night… He muttered for a long time under the photos of our parents and Zhang Yi. I heard him say, ‘Dad, Dad, I’m going to avenge you, I can’t wait anymore.’ The foolish boy, he only cares about his father… Who will avenge me? Those who harmed me have been arrested, but one was released and had his leg broken by Laishun. How many years has it been…”

She lifted tear-filled eyes and laughed harshly. “Dakuan, I know you avenged me too. You dealt with those bastards, but Laishun…”

“Stop!” The shadow that shot Jiaguan was Laishun! My hair stood on end. I rushed to the door, turned back, and said, “Stay here and don’t move. I’ll be right back!”

Lin Baobao sat up like an obedient child. “I won’t move. I’ll wait for you to return. I’m scared.” As I closed the door, I heard something heavy fall inside; Lin Baobao must have collapsed. I dashed downstairs and stood still, unable to decide where to go, my heart chaotic, on the verge of exploding.

Laishun, why must you act so rashly? The New Year is almost here. Can’t you just safely see it through before doing anything?

Though I knew Laishun would eventually go after Jiaguan, and I’d wanted to dissuade him, I was powerless to stop it.

Laishun, I know the bitterness in your heart. I understand your desire to avenge your father. But how could you entertain the thought of killing?

Standing in the wind at the foot of the stairs, I kept asking myself, how have I been as a father? How have I been as a father? How have I been as a father?

Little Laishun shuffled outside Baobao Restaurant, sparrows on the ground dodging him as he flapped his tiny arms at them like shooing chickens; he was growing up. He rode on my brother’s shoulders, sucked his fingers, and smiled at me, “Second Uncle, you’re my father too.” He lay on a hospital bed, gazing at me with clear eyes. I said, “Shunzi, why won’t you talk? Say something, I’ll listen.” He pretended not to hear, but I saw tears streaming down his cheeks onto the pillow. He carried a gas tank bigger than himself, held up an egg and grinned at me, stood on the curb watching the flow of people and cars…

My legs couldn't support me anymore. My knees buckled, and I slid down the wall to the ground. I realized I was crying, my voice weak and lingering, like a breathy pop singer. Tears followed, thick as blood, streaming down like threads, unbroken. I sat there, flicking the tears from my chin with my fingers, and as I did, I heard singing from upstairs. I stopped, listened intently to those lingering notes. There was no melody, just a deeply suppressed sobbing—Lin Baobao was crying. I perked up my ears like a dog, hands braced on the ground, surely a ridiculous, half-human, half-beast pose. The crying upstairs continued, as faint as a mosquito buzzing overhead. I was transfixed; when I was a child, my mother often cried like that, rocking me in her arms. All was silent around me except for this sound, echoing through the corridor as if traversing time and space.

I pushed myself up, gripping the handrail as I climbed the stairs. It was a struggle, and by the time I reached my door, I felt like I’d just finished a marathon.

Inside, there was no more crying. Lin Baobao was singing: “Why did you leave so suddenly, without a word of goodbye, just like that, parted ways…”

I entered, stood silently by the door for a moment, handed Lin Baobao a cigarette, and turned into my room.

The wind was rising outside; I could hear sand being whipped against the walls. That sound was unnerving; it could be as sharp as firecrackers or as long and deep as drifting spider silk. I realized it had a strange power, as if it desperately pulled people back toward distant memories… I dared not recall those memories, just as I dared not face those who had passed away beside me, just as I dared not remember the kidnapping of Tang Yiming. I feared that once I remembered, I’d regret it, trapped like a lone soul in a sudden blizzard, losing the courage to go on living.

And so the night faded, as Lin Baobao alternated between laughter and tears, and as I smoked one cigarette after another.

Turning over and getting out of bed, I trudged into the living room. Lin Baobao was still staring at the TV, motionless, making me wonder if she was dead.

On the TV, a barely discernible figure was saying, “Under the correct leadership of the Party committees at all levels, our city’s industrial and agricultural production has reached a new stage…”

I numbly washed my face. As I brushed my teeth, I vomited violently, feeling as if my internal organs were about to spill out.

Going downstairs to buy breakfast for Lin Baobao, I habitually stopped by the fruit stall that Wang Dong and I shared. I looked around; nothing was left but desolation in the wind.

Coincidentally, Wang Dong, looking haggard, crossed the curb and stood opposite me, staring coldly.

I bared my teeth at him. “You’re in a poetic mood, coming back to old haunts?”

Wang Dong said nothing, turning his gaze to where our sign used to hang, lost in thought. I said, “Feeling low? Don’t be. Life is just like this—there’s always a gain and a loss.” Wang Dong replied, “What have I ever gained? I don’t think I’ve gotten anything.” I said, “Don’t be ungrateful. You got plenty of money you weren’t supposed to. Isn’t that enough?” Wang Dong snorted, “You think that money will always belong to us?” I patted his shoulder. “Don’t overthink it. What matters most now is figuring out how to survive, or we’ll die soon enough.” Wang Dong squatted down. “I’ve never found life as hard as it is now, even though I have a bit of money for the moment.”

I called him a “lunatic,” and fell silent. I knew he’d been miserable these days. Da Guang told me he’d visited Shufen in the provincial women’s prison; somehow, he came back sighing. Da Guang heard he’d gone to see Shufen and called to tease him, “Dong, are you out of your mind? Is that slut worth seeing?” Wang Dong said, “So what if I went? I felt itchy, none of your business.” When Da Guang came to chat with me, I said, “Matters between men and women can’t be explained in a word or two. Take me, for example—Yang Bo hurt me so badly, yet I still think of her often.” Da Guang said, “Maybe they cast a spell on you.”

From the nearby barbershop came a burst of singing. The girl inside sang beautifully, as if just for me: “I won’t think of you anymore, won’t love you anymore, let time quietly slip away, erase our memories. Your name, from now on, I won’t mention. I won’t let sorrow possess me… Let it drift with the wind, leave no trace. All joy and sorrow, all the past, throw it away. What I think, miss, hope for, wish for, won’t be you anymore. I don’t want to endure it, I’ll forget you…”

Her singing was good, but I disagreed with the lyrics. Some things take a lifetime to forget, I thought bitterly.

After a while, Wang Dong lifted his wild, grass-like head, his face dark. “The stall’s gone. What do you plan for the future?”

I said, “I’ve got nearly a hundred thousand, with yours, after spring let’s sell fish at the market again.”

Wang Dong’s face fell, long as a gourd. “You go ahead. I won’t. A good horse doesn’t feed in the same pasture twice.”

I said, “Are you a good horse? You’re not. Neither am I. Don’t kid yourself about being some rare material, alright?”

Wang Dong’s face turned ashen, his lips trembling. “I’ve never thought I was anything special, but I don’t want to walk the same old path!”

I patted his shoulder and stood up. “Alright, then. I guess our partnership ends here. From now on, we’ll each go our own way.”

Wang Dong rolled his eyes at me. “Is this the code of brotherhood you always talk about?”

I nodded. “Yes, this is brotherhood, the code I have always believed in, unwaveringly.”